Top 10 signs you’re subconsciously experiencing negativity from your past

By on September 7, 2013

(NaturalNews) I remember, 25 years ago, I interviewed several therapists and  agreed to hire them to help me upon satisfaction of one condition – that we do  NOT mention my past.
One therapist was curious, “What if your past is  affecting your life today?”
“What if it isn’t?” I snapped back. “Then we  just wasted time talking about something that doesn’t matter. Either you can  help me feel better or not, so can you?”
He declined.
I was 23  years old, so that’s understandable. In fact, developmentally speaking, it makes for 20-somethings to move  away from the past, full speed ahead into the future.
As we grow older,  more experienced and established into adult life, however, it becomes important  for most people to stop denying the impact of the past and really let  go.
You cannot let go of what you don’t realize you are hanging  onto.
So, let’s look at the signs of a past that still haunts the  present, causing unnecessary emotional stress and negativity.

Here are my top 10 signs that your past is still affecting you:

1. You refuse to discuss it

If you are ok with the positive and negative  in your past, you don’t mind discussing it, when and where  appropriate.
Your romantic partner, therapist, good friends and relatives  who care about you…these are all people with whom you could be sharing your  past and the lessons learned.

2. You live with those old, familiar feelings

Vague feelings of pain and  grief, resentment and fear still haunt people who are attached to the past.  These unresolved feelings can appear anytime, in response to an outside  situation or to your own thoughts.
For me it was a consistent, queasy  feeling of dread right in my gut, as if something were about to go wrong,  continually. Regardless of how successful I was, I still felt uneasy most of the  time.
You’re probably very familiar with these feelings, as they have  been with you for a long, long time. They won’t go away until you emotionally  square yourself with the past.

3. You can’t be yourself around your family of origin

When you visit family, you hold back who you are by conforming to  the old family expectations. This may involve remaining quiet or acting out. The  point is, you act differently or feel you cannot be who you are in everyday  life.
It’s a sign that you are conforming to old expectations, usually  out of fear of disapproval, criticism or ridicule.

4. You seek approval or don’t think for yourself in general

Sometimes  the family’s disapproval generalizes. When it does, you project your fear of  disapproval onto other people; friends, romantic partners and even  strangers.
This general fear of disapproval has roots in the original  family dynamic.

5. You treat your kids like your parents treated to you

All too common,  we treat our children in the negative ways we were treated. Amazingly, we can  even recognize it when it happens, know it is wrong, and still do it. This is  how influential the past can be.

6. You married your parent of the opposite sex

Not literally. In most  cases, people marry someone who acts like the parent of the opposite sex. If dad  was emotionally unavailable, a young woman marries an emotionally unavailable  man.
If mom was controlling or a nag, the young man marries a  controlling, nagging woman.
These are signs that you are still trying to resolve the old family situation through your  present life. So often, we justify this choice by telling ourselves, “I can  change him/her.”

7. You deny and repress emotions

Human beings  are emotional by nature. When those emotions are uncomfortable, we tend to block  them from expression, thinking that we can avoid the pain.
This strategy  backfires. When you repress emotions, you hang on to them. When you express them  fully, it is easier to let them go. ??Denying, ignoring, and repressing negative  emotions creates an attachment to those emotions.

8. You have little or no control over your impulses

Impulses come from  emotions. When you have repressed emotions lurking under the surface, you still  react to them. It’s like carrying around a reservoir of fuel that is just  waiting for a spark to set it off.
Out of control tempers, anxiety and  other impulsive reactions stem from unresolved emotions. This leads to poor  decisions, addictive behaviors and regret.

9. You feel restrained or trapped, but don’t know why

When the family of  origin is emotionally overwhelming, sometimes we set hard rules for ourselves  that create limitations.
I must play it safe in life. I’ll  never speak in front of a group. I am not cut out to lead, so I never  will. I’ll never trust anyone. I’ll always keep a low  profile.
We intend these rules to protect us, but they can end up  cutting off the healthiest choices. Interestingly, these rules can determine our  choices whether we are consciously aware of them or not.

10. You repeat the same old mistakes

Repeating the same mistakes over  and over is a sure sign of a negative attachment. Making the same poor decisions  repeatedly is a major red flag that you have not resolved something in your  history.
Must you revisit the past in order to heal?
No.  Although some people do benefit by identifying and experiencing past memories,  the key to healing is in making new choices today.
You need to recognize  the influence of the past and learn how it is still affecting you. Only then can  you make conscious decisions that take you in a new and different  direction.
Getting out of denial about the influence of the past is a  huge hurdle. Only a small percentage of the population has really connected the  dots and become someone that lives beyond old family expectations.
This  doesn’t mean the process is complicated. It’s not. Most people’s ego simply gets  in the way. Don’t allow denial to keep you from recognizing the negative  influence of the past, or you may never move beyond it.
To learn more  about how negative attachments create self-sabotage and what to do about it,  watch this unique, free video.
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One Comment

  1. Benita

    September 7, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    This article Lets me know that you’re getting closer to acknowledging your issues and actually getting to know yourself. I’m happy I was able to help.

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